Best Costume Idea EVER. Period.

It's exactly two weeks until Halloween, and while North America is fervently scrounging in bins littered with picked-over costumes at Party City, there isn't much, if any kind of, holiday spirit here. Halloween might be big in the UK (only basing that knowledge on when we used to have British Sky, and there were all kinds of commercials for it), but it wasn't that big in Germany, although still celebrated here and there. A few trick or treaters at times, but mainly used as an excuse for a bar to throw a party.

The stores here in Finland seem to try to cash in on the holiday, most have small displays of decorations to choose from. Though no one seems to by any of it. And I have yet to see any costumes for sale. Also, it looks like there won't be a team Halloween party either. No one seems to get how important it is to show your creative side, or for a lot of girls out there, their sluttastic side, by coming up with the best costume possible!

Honestly though, when the hubs and I have tried to be creative or pop culture figures for Halloween in the past, no one in Europe gets what we are. They dress up like ghosts, we dress up like Jersey Shore, or Wayne and Garth. We think we look great, they ask us several times a night what we are supposed to be. Whatever, no biggie, it is what it is.

Except for this year. I have a GENIUS idea for a costume. Like an idea that if we were back at home, we would FOR SURE win a prize at the bar. Or at the very least everyone would get it and love it.

Should I share my idea and risk it getting ripped off, or keep it a secret and the whole world not be enlightened by my costume making skills. No really, just ask anyone I went to college with, I was the costume queen. If the party or mixer didn't have a theme, well, too bad, I'm was coming in a costume anyways. Deal with it, haha.

I trust that if anyone decides to be this for Halloween, you will give TexaGermaFinlaNadian full credit as you are sobbing through your acceptance speech for that special award at a bar or party. And everyone there will for sure know what you are talking about, I'm an international sensation, right!?

So, here goes nothing....

Maury Show Test Results Costume

 

What you'll need...

You actually need three people for this. Two guys and one girl.

One guy dresses up like Maury in his standard colored turtle neck with a black cardigan or button up shirt over combo. Or a half button up sweater. I'd stay away from a black turtle neck, I have a feeling many people are going the Steve Jobs route this year. If you aren't gray yet, pick up some temporary color spray for your hair. Because he isn't named the Silver Fox for no reason. Wait, that's not right. And he absolutely cannot forget to carry around a manilla envelope with 'test results' inside.

Connie Chung look alike optional (source)

The other two, a couple would be perfect for this, have to dress in their trashiest outfits and have spats all through the night about whether or not they are faithful/the baby daddy/slept with their best friend. You've seen the show, you know what I'm talking 'bout.

Super big bonus if the lady has a beard. Why, I dunno, just felt right. (source)

Then, here comes to true genius of the costume, every time someone asks who ya'll are supposed to be, your Maury character says "I'm Maury Povich, and THE RESULTS ARE IN!!! Jim, you are.......NOT the father."

The guy from the couple jumps up and down, screams "I told you so" at the girl, while she buries her head in her hands, or even preferably runs out of the room. Also, this dance is not mandatory, but scores you extra points.

Haha, this video never gets old. Never.

The results can change from time to time, he can be the father, not be the father, failed his lie detector test, cheated with her best friend, had a sex change. Let's be honest, the options are limitless.

Optional costume add-ons:
Crazy, streaky highlights. Arched penciled-in eyebrows. Mullet, suitable for both the man and the woman. Bring along a baby doll that is clearly a different race than the 'father'. You can include  another girl in the action to play the 'best friend' who has also been sleeping around. Also, play up the pre-taped, yell into the camera, rants they always show. It wouldn't be the same without those!

Ummm, yeah, I'd say so....(source)

Maybe this costume idea has been around for some time, but I have yet to see it. So feel free to borrow my idea. And enjoy being the best dressed in town.

As for you lo-osers who don't go with my idea, what are your plans for Halloween this year?! I want to see some great costumes!

If we celebrate Carnival, does that make us Carnies?

I can never quite understand why stores stock up months and months in advance with holiday decorations. It's like their calendar is permanently flipped 3 pages ahead of everyone else's.

Holy Crap! 4th of July is over, time for Chriiiiistmmmaaasss!

Source

I thought that this overzealous behavior was something uniquely American, like apple pie, baseball, or International meddling. But no, sure enough, the Germans got wind of this "Christmas in July" fever, and they saw an opportunity to capitalize on unsuspecting shoppers.

But really, I shouldn't have been too surprised. The Deutschers immediately adapt or beat us to the punch with these kind of things. And now that I am thinking of it,  I guess they had Apple Strudel and International meddling way before America even picked up our first baseball mitt. Well played Germany, well played.

The day the stores were back up and running after the Christmas holidays - and no I don't mean Christmas and New Year's, I mean after the three Christmas days Germany has in a row - there wasn't a glimpse of St. Nick to be found. Ok, well yeah, if you looked at the bottom of the bargain bin you could find some broken chocolate Santas and chipped ornaments. But the area previously occupied by the sanctity and holiness of Christmas goodness had taken on a darker side. 

Not this kind of carnival???

Source

Revealing costumes, colorful wigs, horrible fake mustaches and beards. Almost like Halloween, only with more of a Euro-trash flair. Yes, Carnival season is here, at least it is according to the stores. So, guess it is time for me to take down the ol' Weihnachtsbaum and put on my skimpiest and strangest costume. I mean, anything for a time aged tradition!

We have yet to see a true Swabia Carnival down here in the south. But from what I have gathered from the bit of Carnival we have seen further north, and from what stories we have heard, it is apparently a great, if not disturbing, party.

 

Yeah, that looks normal...

Source

While the carnival season officially begins on January 6th (Epiphany/Three Kings Day), the real parties aren't cranked out until the Thursday before Ash Wednesday, this year on March 3rd. The day is called Schmutziger Donnerstag, which literally translates as Dirty Thursday - and could easily be a good name for the typical drunken Thursday night in any college town. But, I am lead to believe that like the translation of "Mardi Gras" it is meant as more of a Fat Thursday than dirty. 

In some German states this day is known as "The Women's Day" and the women get control of the city and craziness ensues. (Oh no, whatever are we to do with the WOMEN running the city!) Girls are allowed to kiss any and everyman that passes their way. I personally think a better title for the day would be "Herpes Simplex 1 Day". But you say tom-ay-to, I say to-mah-to. Egal.

Another familiar tradition down here in the south are these Schiachperchten. They are represented by people dressed in creepy masks to portray the dark spirits of wintertime. It just wouldn't be a carnival parade if you didn't scare the bejeezus out of little kids. Look at those two little girls' faces.

And you better believe I will be fully dressed up for Rosenmontag, which is on March 7th. Can't wait to post about this one!

 If the evil St. Nick doesn't scare you at Christmas, these creatures will do the trick!

 Source

I wonder if the Carnival here is anything like themed fraternity parties. Which would mean that I can dress up like anything or any character I want, as long as it has the word 'slutty' in front of it. I am thinking of throwing a real curve this year and going as a slutty Paris Hilton. It's a paradox, or oxymoron, or a hyperbole or something....

It's ok, its not like the Germans will get it anyway. 

*Flash back to Halloween '08 when the hubs and I went as Wayne and Garth. I think they thought we came as two homeless dudes.

 

Or, let's just take something completely wholesome and skank it up! Yeeeaaahhh! 

Incidentally, if you want, you can buy the costume here: Source