May 23, 2011

Not gonna to lie, it's my favorite store

In the last few weeks, I've mentioned a ton of things that I missed about being home.

There was my family and friends. The food. The beautiful sunny weather. The food. My kitty cat and the swimming pool. The food.

But I have failed to mention something that I really do long for everyday while we are abroad.

The local newspaper.

Call me old fashioned, but I would rather read the real, hard copy paper than anything that is written online. There is something about flipping through the leafy pages and having it all laid out in front of you.

Not to mention that it is my morning ritual. I wake up, have a cup of coffee, and read the most important section of the newspaper: The entertainment section. That of course includes the crossword and Jumble (which I kick ass at, in case you were doubting my mad skills) and - sometimes not so helpful - Hints from Heloise (is that just a Southern thing??) and can't forget about Dear Abby. All very helpful and useful information. Let's call is pre-coffee, light reading.

Sorry Inmagine, when I become rich and famous, I'll buy this print. Or just take it down. (source)
It is my wake up call and a chance to get my head on straight for the day. And everyone knows not to talk to me before I have done this, because they are likely to get their head bit off, or at the very least an evil stare.

I'm apparently Satan's spawn pre-coffee as well.

And yes, don't tell me anything like "Oh, well then wait til you have kids, they are up and ready to go before you are and all chippery and shiznit in the morning." I get it, and that is precisely why we don't have kids yet.

ANYWAYS, rambling. As I was enjoying the morning paper last week, I came across the weekly full-page ad for the 99 Cent Only store. I love perusing their 'selection' to see just how far 99 cents can take you these days.

And wouldn't you know, I found something mighty interesting in the paper. Did you know that you can get a layaway plan at the 99 Cent ONLY store?? An offer Kmart brought back and made popular once again. Oh yes you can! Imagine racking up even more debt and fees while buying only the nicest crap items. 

Don't lie, you want to call that number, don't you?!
I can just imagine the conversations that go on before someone applies for the layaway plan.

(turn the hick on in your head. You know you got it in there.)

"Well, honey, I know you really want the ceramic poodle figurine and the 6 pack of high-waisted briefs, but I don't know if we can afford it right now. Wait, but looky here, they got themselves a layaway plan. Oooooooeeeeee, Becky Sue, we might just be able to even get you that 99 cent Intimate Apparel for tonight!"

Aaaannnd scene.

Think I am joking about the Intimate Apparel at the 99 Cent Only store? Think again. They were hyping up this sexy little number the same week that Mother's Day items were advertised. 

The Satori Lace Panties & Camilsole. Bow-chica-bowwow (source)

I really, REALLY hope they weren't suggesting it as a gift for dear ol' Mom. 

I'm proud to say "Only in America!"
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  1. Layaway at the 99 cent store...holy cow, that is incredible! XD

  2. This is amazing...thanks for the awesome laugh!

  3. hahah.. you can find just about anything in America! And I almost peed my pants when I read "ceramic poodle figurine"... hahaha. How do you come up with this stuff?! :)

  4. I read the paper every day at lunch time.

  5. laughing my ass off at the "ceramic poodle figurine" comment. its the little things in life ;-) hope u had a great weekend

  6. OMG. I just LOLed for real in class. The ABSOLUTE kicker was the layaway plan for the 99 cent store.

  7. @Dwija - don't lie to me, you are getting your purse together to go to the local 99 cent store right now :)
    @Melody - aw, no problem, it is the least i can do ;)
    @CMD - haha, it is sadly just all in my strange little head, lol. Thanks for the compliment, girl!
    @Oilfield - yes! I am glad I am not the only one. I have always loved reading the paper. Hope they all stay in business! lol
    @Megan - it is the little things in life, isn't it?! Haha. Hope you had a great weekend too. So sweet!
    @Meg O - LOVE that you did that in class! I am sure they have one on your side of the town too. Want me to forward you a flier?!? haha

  8. Hmmm. I've only the one kid and basically she gets ignored during the time period that begins after her breakfast is put in front of her and ends after I've drunk the last swig from my second cup.

    And it's a big cup.

  9. You're my morining read. I never have to pick up a paper, because I can depend on you for the most important news of the day. TOTO Funny!

  10. are too funny!! And yes you are officially not a girl anymore you are LADY..with the newspaper procedure:)))

  11. That's hilarious. Gotta run out and get me some. And @Mollie, LOVE IT! Sounds like a good morning ritual. I have two kids and #2 is sooo loud he is hard to ignore. But I try!

  12. I love my local 99 cent store for a bunch of things i plan on throwing away like cups, balloons, table cloths, dish towels, birthday cards etc...

  13. @Mollie - I like and will emulate your perfect parenting skills! lol. Good to know!
    @Marjory - awww, what a compliment, thank you! I am glad that I can perk you right up in the morning :)
    @Mrs K - I have graduated to lady!! I love it! haha. Thanks girl, I mean, lady :)
    @Natalia - haha, I knew someone would want those sexy undies. No kidding, doesn't Mollie have it down!
    @BigMike - I really do love the 99 Cent Only store too. They have great wrapping and party supplies. And I can get lost in there just looking at all the crap I don't need. A girl can dream, can't she?!

  14. HAHAHA!! Layaway at the 99 cent store! That's amazing!

  15. really? REALLY?!!

    Just wanted to remind you that your feature is going to be tomorrow! Happy Monday!

  16. Baaaahaaahaa!! I freaking love the 99 cent store, that place totally rocks. There must be like a $10 credit on layaway right? Just when you think things can't get any crazy, TexaGermaNadian always comes through!! Another most excellent post my friend! Two thumbs up.

  17. Oh oh, and my daughter can sense whether I've had my coffee yet and it's universally understood I don't function until I've had some. So don't worry, you can still be your cranky pants self even with kiddos :)

  18. No dollar (or Euro?) stores in Germany, I that they have a layaway plan!!! :-)

  19. Girl you know it takes me all of 2 seconds to turn the hick on in my head. Maybe it's a Mother's Day gift for your baby momma? Great post, lady. I miss me some Texas.

  20. Ooh eeee-cheapies for tee tee!! I about died, that is outrageous...layaway. Who knew! Proud to BE an American right!? This was too funny, and I too am with you on reading the newspaper first thing. Devil horns :) Happy Manic Monday.

  21. You should come to my neighborhood. 99¢ will buy you 89¢ worth of crap.

  22. @Andrea - only the classiest posts around here! lol
    @Mallori - haha, oh really. Yeah!!!! I am excited to see it. After I took a million and one years to get back to you ;)
    @An Irish - YES! I knew you would love it too. I really do, it is so fun in there. I want to call that number and see what the rules for the layaway are. Haha, well thanks girl. That is really nice of you to say :) And perfect! Can't wait to be cranky than the kiddos in the morning, hahaha
    @Jan - oh you better believe they have Euro stores! Look for Teddi Euro or MacGeiz. Both rock!
    @Jimmie - haha, you probably always have it on in your back pocket, love it! I bet you are missing it. But having a great time there ;)
    @Heather - aiiiiggghhhttt, ya hhuuurrrrd! (what else can I say that is hicky??) haha. You know it!
    @Morgan - now you know. So proud to spread the word ;) haha. Happy Monday to you too!!
    @Copyboy - aw man, your neighborhood sounds awesome, lol

  23. Wow! That is some illuminous underwear right there... goodness!!

    We have an everything for a £1 store here and the crap, I mean wonderful bargains you can get there is amazing!! I bought lotos of pencils for treats in my class and the lead always snaps. That's what £1 gets you!! Boo!! But I did buy two of my best friends a 'cat in a basket' and 'budgie mirror' for Christmas once and pretended it was there present- their faces trying to pretend they liked them was just hilarious!! Maybe we could have a link up post for best piece of tack you can buy for £1 $1?

  24. I am awesome at Jumble too. At my old job at a fitness facility there was a little old man who would race me at jumble every night when he came in. It was so cute. Jake and I play text twist on every night in bed before we fall asleep (I'm way better).

  25. omg hahah! this just made me laugh out loud because it reminded me of this time i was back home (in florida) & where i'm from people are super hicky or super richy. except for me. im neither. soo, i obviously feel more @ ease in the hick bars. so i was at this bar - called, 'the inn', which is attached to a liquor store (helloooo south!) and when we were there one night they were having a raffle. my friend won a paperweight with a bald eagle over the confederate flag and i told her she should go trade it for the other options - red leather lingerie!! bc obviousssly they are raffling off red leather (&lace) lingerie in a liquorstore/bar on a tuesday night. ahhhhh i miss it! hahahah!!

  26. @Missy - It is definitely useful for a lot of stuff. Like school supplies. Lingerie...not so much, haha. I think that is a GREAT idea. A "What is the most ridiculous thing you can buy at a $1 store" link up. Genius!
    @Jordan - don't you love it?! That is so cute, I bet he loved that too. And THANK YOU. So weird, I had been trying and trying to think of the name of the word game I used to play all the time back in college, and it was Text Twist. Don't doubt for a moment I am going to go play right now :)
    @Kimberly - haha, bar and liquor store in one. Now that is awesome! Ewwww, sooo gross. I can't even imagine that. But that is a hilarious raffle. Ummm, hope your friend didn't trade it, because you know there was someone out there really hoping they would walk away with red leather lingerie. Ewwww, still so gross, haha

  27. HAHAHA! You make me laugh. Seriously, thanks for that. A bad day at work? I know I can always count on you for a funny story and a laugh. And apparently, now I can count on the 99 cents store for all of my intimate apparel needs. Woot!

  28. A layaway plan for the 99 cent store. That's unbelievable! We tried to buy a TV at Kmart (one that we're only keeping 90 days because that's their return policy and that's about how long we're here - we're terrible I know) when we got home and the lady asked us if we wanted layaway. Matt didn't even know what layaway was.

  29. lmao!!! omg you're hilarious!

  30. Hmmmm maybe it's time to have a kid and stop reading that paper, lol...Enjoyed the post, thanks for the laugh!

  31. I definitely have a morning routine too- don't mess with me until the vitamins (chewy) are eaten and I've checked all of my emails, the weather, and the blog!

  32. THAT is AWESOME! I sure got my hick on to read that monologue, yes ma'am.

  33. Well that there is the best invention I done heard of!

  34. Paul and I used to joke about that at the dollar tree! I am cracking up over the layaway plan

  35. Last time I read an actual paper I was told by 3 different people I had something on my face.... Hello newsprint, beware!

  36. Bahahahah! I love it. Perfect. I drive by one of those every day on my way to boy's house -- I always wonder who shops there?!

    Btw, there is a stylish blogger award waiting for you on my blog ;)

  37. Same here, I much prefer to read a paper or a book rather than something on a computer. If there's advertisements and details information, it's much easier to have something in front of you that you can spread out over a desk.

    CJ xx

  38. Okay...totally needed the laugh today.

    I'm a new GFC follower.


  39. Hey BTW I gave you an award in my blog post today. Check it out! :)

  40. @Katie – well thanks! And I am glad to do that! :) I hope you didn’t have a bad day at work, though. Get it girl, just think how sex-ay you can be from the 99 cent store. Ooooeee! Haha
    @Erin – No kidding. Ummmm, I think everyone in the hockey world has done that, so don’t feel bad, haha. Wow, Kmart layaway too. I guess everyone needs a little help now and then!
    @Jeni – isn’t that great?! Thanks!
    @Wendy – haha, no thank you :) And if I do, though, I am sure I can get everything for the baby at the 99 cent store! Yippee!
    @TriGirl – oh yeah, I knew you could muster it up too, haha.
    @Shalyn – your danged right it is, little missy! Lol
    @Ms Sarah – I actually really do love that place. So much junk and so little time! Haha
    @Alex – haha, no kidding. That stuff comes off so easily. Thanks for the heads up :)
    @Rebecca – I DO! Haha. What?!? I am going to check it out right now. Thanks Rebecca!!
    @Crystal – I don’t know what there is about it, but much better when it is on paper.
    @Pamela – well glad I could give ya one! And thanks for stopping by!
    @Andrea – really?!? I am headed over there right now!! Thanks!

  41. What in the hell can you possibly need to put on layaway at the 99 cent store? The matching robe for that sexy nighty thing?
    "Elmer, I'm gonna get me that fancy ole nighty. But I ain't got the money to get the matching robe. Lets put it on layaway so it will match my fancy nighty and granny panties."
    Good Sweet Lord!

  42. WOW is all I can say! And I thought our Dollar Tree store had some interesting wares--apparently 99 cent only has them beat :)

    I think that nightie set would be a hilarious bachelorette gag gift...just sayin

  43. 180 bucks for 180 sets of lingerie? you can't beat that :O I'm not sure you'd want to, though

    Also, saying neato mosquito is just as bad as saying see ya later alligator, so don't feel bad

  44. even though we have a pound shop here...there's nothing like the good ol dollar store. Although I've never seen sexy lingerie at either

  45. I didn't know you could get lingerie at the dollar store! I know where I'm going tomorrow! LOL!


    I'm your newest follower!! I hope you'll follow me back at

  46. Just browsing some of the blog hop blogs and I wanted to say hi! I will follow you as well. We also have a Facebook fan page at that you should check out! We always like and follow back, just leave us a note <3

    Monika @ Aias Dot Ca

  47. @bernie -I mean, who knows. But someone felt it was necessary!! And I love your hick name you choose! Haha, Elmer, perfect (and no disrespect to any Elmers out there, lol)
    @KT - what a great idea!!! I think that would be hilarious. But only if you wrapped it up in something that had the Only 99 Cent logo on it. Hmmm, I might just have to use that one day!
    @Colin - I guess! It is so super attractive, right?!? And that color, must look good on, haha. Good enough for layaway. Awesome, haha, thanks for making me feel better :)
    @Lesley - I agree, they just aren't the same in Europe. Make sure to add this store to things you miss about the US, lol
    @Nancy - haha, best comment yet, I think. So glad you stopped by and let me know!
    @Monika - I'm glad you wanted to stop by, not so glad about the cut and paste generic message. :( Those make me sad.

  48. I feel the same way about books vs. the NOOK. I just like to hold a book. Measure my progress with a bookmark. And then place it lovingly on a shelf when completed like a trophy!


Whoomp, there it is!