April 27, 2011

You Can Kiss My....

Well hey there! Happy Hump Day :) 

I am a little extra excited today since we finally have our flights booked for home. We will be stateside on Saturday, which means we have been busting our butt getting all packed up these last few days. It is an annoying chore, but if it means going home, then I don't mind it one little bit!

So, while I was gathering a few things for the trip home, I can across this last little German gem. I always like to have wet wipes when traveling. Airplane air and surfaces tend to gross me out. 

Weird, right!? Yuck.

I keep these bad boys on hand to wipe my face and hands. I like to call it giving yourself a hooker bath. What?! Hookers can take baths too, after all. Haha.

But, they seem to have a different idea of what wet wipes are used for here in Germany. At least this one company does. Check out these pictures and see if you get the same meaning that I did. 

The package reads "Have You Been Kissed Today?"

Like seriously, is that necessary?!
Yeah, apparently, these little things are used for wiping ass right before you pucker up to kiss it. 

I'm sorry. I love my husband, but there is no amount of baby wipes (or bleach or alcohol for that matter) that would make me want to kiss his crack. Sorry babe, not happening. 

Thought that was too funny not to share. 

BTW, I completely have forgotten to say something earlier, but the Storytellers Blog Hop is THIS WEEKEND!!! 

It feels like forever since the last one, but this is the last weekend of the month. 

To recap, if you are new to the hop, here is the run down:

Link to any post you would like. You don't have to come up with a 'story', you don't have to do anything special, you just link up your blog and be you.  
Your blog is your story, so let it shine!

Only. One. Rule. Please, no sites that specialize in ads, coupons, giveaways, etc. There are many blog hops just for you, but today, this hop isn't one of them. Sorry guys.

Other than that, there are no rules, no 'follow' musts, only an easy outlet to stumble upon new and interesting blogs.

Hope to see you there this weekend! The hop will be open all day Friday and Saturday (April 29th and 30th. 

Have a great day!! 

And remember, wipe that crack before you give it a big ol' smack. So gross, haha.

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  1. Okay. Those are FREAKING HILARIOUS!!! I almost have a stroke when my toothbrush touches the husband's toothbrush so I'm totally with ya - no ass crack kissin' for me!! Even if he wipes the Hell out of it first!! EEEW!

    Have a wonderful time at home!

    Looking forward to the storytellers blog hop :)

  2. But if I were to kiss his ass, I'd need a few wires first. Ironic.

  3. A few "wipes." God help me an my rash of typos lately.

  4. lol @ Nicole...well, I'd have to get "wired" before I'd kiss MY hubs ass, even with "wipes" in hand. Too funny!

    @TGN...hysterical! Reminds me of a sign we have at our business..."All Employees MUST bathe before coming to work since we have to kiss your asses to get you to do anything!"

    I'm with Colie...cooties on toothbrush-touching; even more so when my hubs, once in a while, comes out of the shower, stops at the vanity in our dressing room to comb his hair and (ughhhhh) forgets his underwear on the vanity. I immediately have to scrub the entire area down!

    And to think I had children with this man...

    Keep packin' and come on home!!


  5. HA!!!! So the Germans are crack kissers - or worse... this is a little tidbit I was not aware of. Different strokes for different folks I suppose... ew.

  6. WHAT!!! How did I miss these bad boys in Deutschland?!!?

    I'm no ass kisser, but we do have to wipe Bruttys bum every time he comes inside...we use baby wipes, and my preferred wipe in Germany had "DICK" in big 'ole letters on the front, just to give us a good laugh ;)

  7. what is worse, the use of the product or being the lady model who will forever be the... arse-kisser and telling someone about it.

  8. Oh my!! The Germans know how to appeal to the mass market?! hahah!!!! I hope you have bought them in bulk...sure you could make a small profit in selling them as novelty (hopefully!) wipes when you return home haha!!

  9. You need to stop by Penny Markt, where the house brand of toilet paper is "Happy End"

    I have nothing but the luxury 5-layer version of Happy End in my bathroom.

  10. I need to make a note to read you after I have had a cup of coffee and don't want to throw up after reading. Ewwwwwwww. Seriously? WTH is that? You realize I will never be able to look at a package of baby wipes the same way again? Thankfully I don't have kids, so I don't see them often.
    Glad you have your tickets! Hope you are going home for a long time!!

  11. Oh wow... I don't even like when the hubs sits on a chair before he puts his underwear on after getting out of the shower... ain't no way I'm kissing that!! lol too funny

  12. Bahaha, hooker wipies! I love the German's naughty nature-naked trampolines to kissing booties. Have you penned in little alarms to go off for flying home yet in your phone...2 more days *HAPPY DANCE...1 more day *SONIC and margaritas poolside....2 more hours *Bekommen ab sofort bis zum Flughafen!!

    Today is humparific! despite that sounding creeptastic.

  13. Ewww!! That's gross...super gross! THe picture kind of makes me gag!

    Butt-kissing aside...how was your Easter?? I'm sure you're super excited to travel home. Wishing you safe travels (and no cracker smackers!!)

  14. Those pictures right there are why I love foreign products and their ads. Hilarious.

  15. @Colie - haha, isn't it!? Eww, toothbrush thing. Why did you get that stuck in my head, haha. I could use a case of those wipes and still don't think I would be ready to pucker up. Thanks, looking forward to the hop and home too :)!
    @Nicole - haha, wires or wipes, either one might not do it!
    @Slidecutter - hahaha, that saying is hilarious! Love it. Ya'll are germ freaks, at least when it comes to your husbands. Too funny! Thanks Patty, we are almost all packed up, eeee!
    @Heather - crack kisser, now that sounds like a good Frackin Friday post! lol.
    @KY - gotta look for them next time. Wait, why do you want them so badly?!?! Haha, just kidding. Yes, those are awesome too. Oh good times, lol
    @iZombie - seriously. How do you get excited about that campaign and show your family?! I think you keep it hidden, haha
    @Missy - I should have invested, they could have sold like hot cakes in the states, haha.
    @Adam - YES! Happy End, that is awesome. Too funny!
    @Miko's - thanks girl!
    @Bernie - haha, sorry about that. Early morning crack is no way to wake up ;) I know, I think I ruined it for everyone, lol
    @Lauren - HAHAH, me neither. I am with ya on that one! lol.
    @Morgan - Maybe you have to wipe down before you can naked trampoline. Never thought of it that way. Safety and health, hahaha. SONIC love it, craving it so badly :) You are hilarious. Love it!
    @Crystal - super super gross. Sorry for the mini puke this morning, haha. Easter was nice. It has been one crazy week but so looking forward to being home!
    @Oilfield - I love all the "Engrish" signs on other sites. This could totally fit in there!

  16. WOWhaha!!! That is funny stuff!! You must take a whole suitcase home with you & hand them out in small town Canadian hockey rinks!! That could be EPIC!! Lol!! Happy packing:)

  17. hahahaha.... what the heck??? those are hilarious.. i hope you bought a few packs to bring back with you. haha.. So glad you have your flights booked!! yayyy!

  18. Those are awesome! You should get lots and hand them out as gifts: hostess gifts, stocking stuffers, new baby, etc...

    I didn't comment on your last Frackin' Friday, so Hooray for the team!! I hope you have a safe trip home :)

  19. Wipe the crack before you give it a smack....OMG you are killing me girl! That is the craziest thing I've seen in a loooong time :D

  20. I don't even know what to say that is so gross :)

    Good luck packing--as someone who has moved every year (except this past one) for the last six years, I definitely feel you on the pain that is packing!

  21. Holy crap I almost spit out my coffee when I saw that picture. That has to be a joke right? Germans must have some wicked sense of humor to actually put that on their product! No bueno....no no no.


    Whaaaat? You mean that doesn't sound like a good time to you? Not even with those wipes?

    Just kidding. I'm with ya girl, no way - no how.

    P.S. Wasn't the hockey player egg adorable? My mom made that bad boy.

  23. Congrats on the championship! I bet you are so excited to get back to the States! However, you can't escape Germany completely because I fully intend to use you as my unofficial Deutschland resource.

  24. So awesome you are heading home! I feel ya on the packing. I have 13 days (who's counting?) and haven't done a thing. But it will come together. And that add, sooooo european! Here they have these Orangina ads. An animal like a goat or a horse but the shape of a sexy lady in provactive poses. It's ridiculous. I know sex sells and everything, but really? gross.

  25. Haha! That is a funny package :) But the reason it might be funnier for Americans than Germans might be that in Germany we don't say "You can kiss my ass" but instead the saying is "Du kannst mich mal am Arsch lecken" ("lick" instead of "kiss"). Aaaaah, the subtle little differences in languages :)

  26. Ew...I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

    Looking forward to the Storytellers Blog Hop! It's how I discovered your blog :) Hard to believe it's only been a month since the last one!

  27. Those are HILARIOUS! Pretty sure no magic wipe could get ANY bum clean enough for me to pucker up! haha!

  28. I think I would buy a whole box load! Kinda like buy in bulk. Then give them away as presents. LOL You know.... those friends that are always kissing ass. Giggle, Giggle.

  29. @Sherri - YES! Great idea. Oh my gosh, they would be in for some culture shock. All thanks to butt wipes, hahah
    @Laura - maybe they have their own brand in Sweden too, Laura! You know you want to pick some up, haha, jk. Yeah!! I am so excited. Can't wait. You are always so sweet :)
    @TriGirl - I am thinking, from what everyone is saying, I could make some money off of this. Might have to make room in the ol suitcase, haha. Thanks girl!! Really appreciate that :)
    @Dwija - haha, well, I guess if you have to kiss it, you might as well sanitize it, lol. Too funny.
    @KT - seriously, isn't it! Thanks! We are just about done. I hate all the tid bits that just seem to wait til the last minute and won't get packed up. Annoying.
    @An Irish - hahaha, that is what I was going for, awesome! But sorry if you kinda did. No joke, too serious. No bueno indeed!!
    @Hockey - You know how long they, well, 'marinade' in their hockey gear sometimes. No way, jose!!! hahahah, that is even grosser. LOVED that hockey egg, ya'll are way too cute. So glad you had a good Easter at home with the fam :)
    @ifs - well thanks! We are so excited. Haha, of course! I am here if you have any questions at all :)
    @Natalia - that isn't long at all, woohoo for you too!! Isn't so european. I don't think I will ever get over the fact that everything is over sexualized here and no one seems to notice.
    @Sabrina - Very good point! I should have used that in the post. Hahaha, that makes it that much more funnier actually.
    @Katie - lol, Sorry!!! Yes! Glad you are going to take part again. Awesome. Yeah, that is hard to believe.
    @Kassi - Um, my thoughts EXACTLY!
    @Marjory - Ok, have to go do it now. Everyone loves it! Exactly, for the ass kissers, haha

  30. Haha- this made me laugh out loud. It also made me laugh that the man backside was so girly. I couldn't tell if she was about to pucker up to a really manly woman.

    They need to hire a new marketing director.

  31. That's a man's ass? Really? Because that for sure looks like women's underwear.

  32. OH MY GOD. I want these wipes. That's freaking hilarious!!

  33. Epps! Now that is some suggestive marketing :)

    xx Cat brideblu

  34. @Hannah - sooo what I thought at first too! haha. Pretty manicured, to say the least
    @Mollie - eehh, typical German underwear. I don't think I could even wear them, lol
    @Meg - haha, aren't they!? I'll have to being back some extra packs, lol
    @Cat - my thoughts exactly!

  35. BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Classic! The best part would be to whip that out in public and start whiping your hands!

  36. whaaaaaaaat? what in the world?! oh gosh...germany.


Whoomp, there it is!