Google translate is messing with me

Yowzas! 

I dunno why, that just felt right this morning. 

Maybe it is because I am already headed to my first hockey game this season tonight. Yep, mid August and they are getting going with things. Excited to see the new team and arena and where our frozen seats will be for the next 8 months. It's just preseaon right now, but I fully expect fan madness come September! I have a feeling the way the Finns love hockey, I won't be disappointed. 

Yes please! (source)

There really isn't much to report on from this end.

For some reason or another I still feel jet lagged?? Uggg, its like I just can't get enough sleep. And I have been sleeping well, so who knows. Maybe I am just so happy and relieved to finally be here that my body is just taking it easy. 

Except it seems to forget that I have one hellacious trip to Germany coming up in a few days. Thank my lucky stars I didn't plan it for this week like we were originally thinking. I'm looking forward to seeing the town and friends, but not looking forward to all the work I have to get done in less than 48 hours. More than enough time, but a ticking clock always makes me nervous. 

Some of ya'll had asked if I am planning to try my hand at the Finnish language while I am here. I did it in Germany, so why the heck not here as well?? Well, for one, everyone speaks some language. A bad crutch that we can easily rely on. And two, Finnish is so flippin' hard! Holy!

Oh, you two think you are so effing cool all knowing Finnish and whatnot ;) (source)

But I still plan to try, even if just to annoy the hubs. Actually, I am motivated by many-a-things just because they annoy him ;) It should be a really fun challenge, and why the heck not?!? Knowledge is power. Haha, lame.

Really, I should be motivated to learn some Finnish because Google Translate isn't the best with converting the websites and articles from Finnish to English. 

For instance, the team's website had an article about the pre-season training. Google translated one bit into...

"After that we went the extra mile at full gallop, and on the gym workout."

Don't know for sure what the actual translation is, but I don't think the guys actually galloped. I guess you get the point. 

But maybe not so much on this next one. The team had a mini tournament last weekend and again the website did a quick write up of how the games went. Try to decipher what this one is talking about...

"Aces start shootout, Järvinen, grab onto the disc slipped. The company will remain weak and will remain mattress. An ace on the third pulled the player to pull over. Leavitt, on the other hand to put in your backpack and Rauma rings "It's there."

From what I can gather, there was a shootout. Someone threw out their back and had to lay on a mattress. Someone was speeding and was pulled over. The hubs had a backpack on, and the coach spotted it on the ice and told everyone where it was. 

Or not. 

Haha. How funny is that?? This year should be interesting in trying to keep up with the hockey news online!

I need to get shots of our cute little downtown apartment. It is coming all together nicely. And since we are practically neighbors with a castle (yeah, I was surprised that there were castles in Finland, don't know what I was thinking!), I need to get pictures up of that too. I guess it is more of a fort than a castle, but anyways. 

BTW, random way to wrap up the post, but has anyone seen Conan and his Truck Nutz?!? I'm seriously thinking about suing. Doesn't he know that that is MY thing??

I think he writers are stalking my blog. Right? Right?? :)

Bad quality, but you get the point...

Haha, nah, glad the love for those horrible things are catching on ;) Which reminds me, I have some other fun photos to share. Man, suddenly things are looking busy!

Have a great Thursday!

Last Post in Texas

...well, for a while, anyhow. 

Tomorrow we are jumping on a plane and headed up to Canada!

Our Julys are spent up in Edmonton, visiting the hubs' family and him finishing up the off season training. I guess he should skate a few times in the summer.

I know, I know. You are excited for my trip, but sad that this means no more Texas Nad Watches or crappy 99 Cent Only Store newspaper ads for while. 

Well, aren't you a lucky duck, that is just what I have for you today!! And then I will lay off on the Truck Nutz pictures for a while. Unless I spot them in Canada. Those northern ones are a rare breed!

Without further ado, a NW2011 update:

Katie from Chicken Noodle Gravy sent me this goodie from Georgia the other day. Isn't she a sweetheart?!

(THANKS Katie!)

Oh yes, you're eyes are not tricking you. Those are two cowbells hanging off the back of that nice gentleman's truck. I say nice, because anyone who sports the Confederate Flag and a bumper that reads "Keep It Flying" must just be a polite young man. Yeah. Right. 

But I guess I shouldn't assume that it is always men driving these things. You can't really tell from this picture, but there was a mom and her two young daughters riding in this badboy. Nice nuts, ladies. 

Those shiny metal ones are popular!

Lovely, way to leave an impression on those little girls. Sorry for the blurry picture, I was driving...with my mom. Nice, huh?!

Ya'll want to hear the best compliment I have been getting from all of you readers?!? "I saw Truck Nutz the other day and thought of you!" haha, gets me every time. 

Although I might not have a NW2011 update for you anytime soon, keep those eyes peeled and that camera handy. You never know when a pair of Truck Testicles might just hop up on ya. 

And now, for the entertainment I found in the morning paper. You really can't beat this. 

Ya'll remember the 99 Cent Only Store back page ad from about a month ago?!?

What a dumb question, of course you do!

Well I seem to have come across the mother load of them all. See if you can spot what is wrong with this headline...

Maybe those ad writers need to double check just how many days there really are in one week.

So yeah, it is open 9 days a week. Good for you, 99 Cent Only Store. But you still won't let me have a full bikini. 

Ummmm, so you mean I can only pick one...top or bottom?!?! Oh geez, if I go with the bottom, then I will truly be European. But with the top, I can really make a splash. So confused! Thanks for only letting me have one end or the other, guys.

:)

Nope, never boring around here. And hope you are having an equally as entertaining Hump Day, bloggyland. 

Tomorrow, I have a short clip about why I really love Canada. And Friday, a very special Frackin' Friday all the way from down under. It's going to be great!

Gotta Get Me An Etsy Shop!

If I started this week with "The More You Know Monday", then yesterday should have been called "Truck Testes Tuesday".

Which, of course, leads to today..."WTF Wednesday"

Man, I could do this all week!

Once again, I came across Truck Nutz at the gym. What is it about these jacked guys that want everyone to know that their truck is a phallic symbol?! I mean, the hubs and I just roll up in a 10 year old Jetta, sans testes, and we are still confident about ourselves. 

Just praying that the owner of the truck would NOT walk out mid photo

Note, this one isn't from my great state, but it's fun Cajun neighbor.

Something about this pair got me thinking. They are kind of fancy and bling blinging, after all. 

Hey, maybe I should open up one of those Etsy shops! I mean, everyone has been saying how I need to import the Truck Nutz to other countries, when really, the opportunity to expand on this ingenious idea has been right in front of me the whole time.

I think I am ready to unveil my new million dollar idea.

Introducing, The Family Jewels.

Let me ask: Do you often find yourself jealous that your douchey man has Truck Nutz while your lobes are left out in the cold?? Feel like there are no real accessories out there for ladies that express how big of a douche you want to be too!?

Well worry no more. Get ready to have your world rocked with these babies!

I can see my reflection in those! (source)

Man, look at that bling!!!

And for a limited time only, available in every color of the rainbow, including acid washed teal. 

Flawless! (source)

Looking goooood!

For some reason, early 90s Glamor Shots felt necessary.

Come on, wouldn't you love to stumble upon an Etsy shop full of these?! At least they would be good for a laugh or two. Or a great gag gift.

Maybe one day my dream of opening a shop full of The Family Jewels will become a reality...

:)

I have to admit, I felt bad for these people shown above. Here I am, ruining, I mean improving, their perfectly good Glamour Shot with these hanging monstrosities.

But just couldn't bring myself to put them on my own Glamour Shot-ish (really, Olen Mills). I'm already pushing the envelope with my parents by doing these NW2011 posts, never mind plastering Truck Nutz on a sweet, uncorrupted 5 year old me. 

The very least I can do is share my own personal hair teased, semi oil painted picture. You can imagine the earrings on it yourself. 

Man, if only I could volume like that now!

Yep, that really is me. 

You're welcome.

Playing Catch Up

Well, I am back in the great state of Texas, sweating my butt off, and reliving the nice weekend over and over again in my head. 

I was lucky enough to be in Denver the last couple of days. Got to catch up with friends from college and went to a wedding up in the gorgeous mountain village of Beaver Creek. 

View from the cocktail hour at the Ritz. Fancy!

Beautiful bride, beautiful setting and a great time with friends. Really, what more could you ask for?!

A big group of us sorority sisters there for the wedding.

I'm playing a nice little game of catch up today. Lots to do around the house here and lots to do in bloggyland. Been missing ya'll!

Oh, almost forgot. I figured out how to get that special Truck Nuts picture off my dad's camera. Haha, that will never get old on there. 

So, without further ado, here are the white trashiest Truck Nutz around. Gotta love 'em. 

Told ya they were homemade!! And rusty!

If you aren't having a great Monday after that, then I don't know what to do. 

I'll be around to visit all of ya'll today!! At least that is my goal :)

And for tomorrow, I can't wait to share with you the real reason I love traveling....SkyMall!!!

No shame...

No shame at all!!

So, one (last?) update for NW 2011. If you are unfamiliar with this nationwide search - what? No sarcasm involved there - have a quick refresher here. 

Glad you jumped over there, aren't you?! :)

Today I have two mothers of them all. Two really great examples of how d-bag the Truck Nuts can get. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse. 

Gosh darnit, I luuuuv Amuuurica!

The first picture is from Summer over at My Munoz Family.

She writes: "I have a pic for Nadwatch 2011!  It's hard to see, but they are in bright red.  The best thing about it... it's a girl's car!  There's girly stickers all over it and there was a girl driving!  Lol... caught it in Austin!"

Man, those are some TEEEN-NIINTSY balls. Definitely not compensating for anything. Hilarious!

And the second picture, well, I have to admit it is a recreation of the original picture. Because I can't get the photo off my Dad's cell phone. 

Oh yeah, you read that last part right. If not, go check it out again.

So my mom and dad were out driving around the other day, and they are avid readers of the blog, I might add. When all of a sudden my mom hollers something to my dad about "back up, back up, I have to take this picture for Lindsey". So my dad obliges, only to have my mom get out of the car and take a picture of the most ridiculous Truck Nutz I have EVER seen. (and they wonder where I get all this from?! Haha). 

First off, they were homemade. Oh yeah, you too can make your own Truck Testicles. I should get a tutorial out there for this one!

Secondly, they were fashioned out of actual nuts. No, get your head slightly out of the gutter. Nuts as in nuts and bolts, you silly. 

Here, here is my dramatic re-enactment of the picture. But no stretch by any means. 

So, basically this guy was too much of a cheap skate to buy the 'real' deal and decided to make his own. Who knew that two giant nuts and a length of chain could go so far and let EVERYONE know just how douchey you really are?!

Yep, that was taken right around the corner. Our neighborhood is classy :)

I couldn't make this crap up!

Hope ya'll are having a great Thursday. I am jumping on a plane headed for Denver this afternoon, but I got a GREAT guest post for Frackin' Friday tomorrow. You better be excited!

'Nother NW 2011 Update...and more

Nad Watch 2011!! Another Update. You are now sitting on the edge of your seat, aren't you. Knew it. Couldn't resist a good Truck Nutz post.

You perv.

:)

I had some great readers send in a few pictures of Truck Testicles that they snapped in the past week or so. And they. Are. Awesome. 

First, Alex from Ifs Ands & Butts snapped this one the other morning. 

I have to commend her for this shot. Not only was she driving (was are all about safety here at NW headquarters, don't worry) but it was early morning on the way to work. That is one keen eye to spot these babies well before coffee. Kudos to you, Alex! :)

And I love how this truck owner matched the color of his bawls to the color of his truck. Very coordinated, mister.

And the other photo comes from Heather at Belle of the Desert. Heather was the one who originally gave me the idea for readers to send in pictures. She is clever like that!

Heather, the generous person she is, had the search through her facebook account to find this bad-boy from some time ago. 

I don't know if you can really tell from this picture, but those are waaaay too lifelike to be hanging out there in public. Not only are the skin colored, but they also, are you ready for this, have vains. 

EWWWWWW, sorry about that. 

Regroup. Take a moment. We good now??

Do you have a Nad Watch submission?!? If so, I would love to feature it. Because, let's face it, this summer is going to be slow for posts! haha.

Send 'em to: TexaGermaNadian (at) gmail (dot) com

Oh, and the vain-ier the better. Good luck getting that out of your head this afternoon.

Can't believe I just wrote that. I hit new lows everyday.

Changing the subject now.

I am planning on doing to Storytellers Blog Hop next weekend. Mixing things up a bit. Plus I figured most of you Americans would be out enjoying the long Memorial Day Weekend.

Also, we have a ton of family coming in town, so we will be busy with them. I didn't feel like I could give the hop the time it needed this weekend, so you will have to be on the lookout for it the first weekend of June!

June?!?! Really, when did May happen?? It just reminds me that hockey season is slowly creep, creep, creepin' up on us.

Think of Carmen Sandiego "where in the world will we play hockey?"

I think I might have some fun news for you next week! Might. Something to do with this crazy hockey life we lead. I know, leave you hanging, right?! All I can say for now is boy oh boy :)

And no, I am not knocked up, I don't have any kids yet. Well, unless you count the hubs and my kitty cat. 

One is really hairy and the other licks his butt. 

I'll let you decide which one is which!

Or, in my cat's case... he's both.

Haha. Sorry hon :)

Have a wonderful weekend bloggyland!!!

P.S. ANNNNND I am being featured over at Chicken Noodle Gravy. Check it out!!!

Didn't Want to Leave Ya Hanging

I just knew I was going to have the perfect post for today. It was going to be an easy one.

I didn't want to leave ya'll hanging from the 99 Cent Only store post on Monday, so a little follow up was needed.

I wanted a danged ceramic poodle figurine!

Sounds easy enough. Walk into a 99 Cent Only store. Ask where their priceless collectables are located. And bam, walk out with a treasure. You know, something to pass on to my kids.

Have you seen this dog?!

But noooo. I found every other animal figurine imaginable.

There were all kinds of dogs, except poodles, of course. About a million and one different figurines of German Shepherds. Just in case your actual dog wasn't barking enough at you, the ceramic spitting image would the remind you of its non-stop bark.

There were figurines of lions and tigers and elephants and cats and sheep and squirrels.

But no FREAKIN' poodles! And that was at three stores. See! You see my dedication I have. 

As I scoured up and down the aisles, the oh-so-flattering florescent lights burning my eyes, I did come upon a plethora of random and useless useful items.

Beautiful array of stuff...and yes, I took a picture in a 99 Cent Store!

Vuvuzelas - just in case you wanted to attend any sporting event, at which they are banned.

Mens Bikini Briefs - just in case you wanted to attend any sporting event, at which they are banned.

Knock off Disney Merchandise - because having the real Buzz Lightyear isn't cool enough.

More Prayer Candles than you could shake a stick at - for all you bad sinners out there.

A Play Axe for Kids - anyone out there hoping to raise a serial killer?

But no ceramic poodle figurines.

Although, I think my fictional heroine, Becky Sue, in the tragic, yet inspiring uplifting hick monologue would have probably gone for this baby, had she had known it was available.

Scary, yet simultaneously thought provoking....

Nothing says 99 Cent Layaway Plan necessity like a skull with a snake crawling out of it.

Is anyone special in your life having a birthday soon?? Consider your shopping done. This skull says any and everything you ever wanted.

PS - I was featured by Mallori in her Tell the World Tuesday series! You will have to check it out.

Aaannnddd, a NW 2011 (NAD WATCH for all you noobs) update coming soon. Some readers have taking up the popular sport of Nut Spotting (Yep, that is what I am officially calling it), and I have a few pictures to share.

If you have any photos of some Truck Testicles you would like to share (and that you hopefully didn't take by walking around to the back of your pick-up!), feel free to send those puppies in to: TexaGermaNadian (at) gmail (dot) com.

I'll of course credit your photo and share with my readers where you snapped the picture.

Heck, we all know that you and your blog are above showing pictures of nuts on it. I, for one, am not.

Happy Hump Day!

Now don't get testy...

You know what, it still really doesn't feel like we are home. At least not just yet.

Sure, we have had our fill of Mexican food. Taken advantage of the pool everyday. And we even went to an Astros game last night.

But something still feels like it is missing.

And I think I know what it is.

Truck Testicles.

Oh yeah, you read that right.

Or Bumper Nuts, Nutz for Trucks, Truck Balls, Big Boy Nuts. Take your pick.

Yep, that is the real deal there (source)

Ewww, it was gross just typing that. Sorry.

You see, they are apparently the macho accessory of choice around here. Or at least they used to be.

A few weeks back, Copyboy over at Not Worth Mentioning featured a set of these bad boys. He is always highlighting really useful and purposeful products :)

But it got me thinking. I guess these Bumper Balls were not a nationwide thing. He was surprised to see them. But I was not. Sadly, they are usually abundant in Texas. But like I've said, I have yet to find a decent pair hanging of the back of a truck since we have been back.

It is disappointing actually!

Whatever happened to guy that not only needed to show how un-endowed he was by having a huge, jacked up truck, but also really wanted to drive in the message that the massive vehicle he drove really did represent his you-know-what by hanging some lifelike testicles off the back hitch??

Just in case you were wondering, THEY REPRESENT HIS BALLS. Oh, and he has steel nuts. (source)

What has the world come to when people start removing man-junk from their trucks?? Certainly not a place I want to raise children

:)

So for the next few months we are in Texas, I dedicate my time on the road to "Nad Watch, 2011". I am on patrol. There has to be some white trash, d-bag totally awesome, super sweet motorist with these puppies hanging off the back.

Boy, do I love Texas!

For you, my readers, I am doing this for you!

I am also doing THIS for you! Have you entered my German Goodies Giveaway yet?? Well what are you waiting for!?