You Just Got SkyMauled

I'm thinking of becoming a copywriter for SkyMall.

Their new motto could be something along the lines of:

"SkyMall, all the sh*t you never knew you needed"

Or even better:

"Can't find enough useless crap at sea level? Then find it at 30,000 feet in the air. SkyMall."

But as hard as I try, I can't resist these little overly handled, pages stuck together with random food scraps magazines. I am compelled to flip through one every time we fly. The people fortunate enough to sit next to me on the plane while I pick out the newest addition to my jewelry collection, pet accessory, or even work out equipment think I am crazy.

And let's be honest, I have never bought anything from SkyMall, nor do I know anyone who has ever bought anything.

But let's take a look at some of the finer selections that just might catch your eye. 

The good, the bad, and the 'holy crap, who would pay for that'.

And no, this is not a sponsored post....I think you will probably find that out real quick :) Although all products can be found at www.skymall.com (as well as all the picture credits, schpanks!)

The good 

(errr, decent)

The Headache Relieving Wrap - $49.95

My attraction to this item may or may not have had anything to do with a weekend full of drinks. How awesome would this sucker be after that one too many the night before?!

Actually, I am going to rename it. It is now officially the "Hungover Headband".

Maybe it could even be made in a variety of colors, you know, with feathers and sparkles. Something to jazz it up.

And you could totally get away with wearing this to work. It's not that noticeable.

Not going to lie. I mocked this one at first. Until I realized it's potential... 

Wine Glass Holder Necklace (Set of 2) - $24.95

I couldn't make up a better tag line for this if I tried. 

"Keep your hands free at parties by keeping your wine close at heart!" 

Ummm, yes please! I didn't realize just how hard it is to hold a glass of wine until I found this product. Now I will refuse to have my Chardonney without one of these fancy schmancy lanyard things.

Now, if only they could invent a martini glass that doesn't spill....

I'm embarrassed for this one, but so intrigued! Oh yes, it is the infamous...

SkyRest Travel Pillow - $29.95 (yikes, for a blow up pillow?!)

Besides the cheesy run down that SkyMall gives this product, here is what the 'experts' are saying:

"The miraculous, wedge-shaped travel pillow makes even the most uncomfortable spots downright pleasant." 

Well, I am pretty sure it isn't curing cancer, so maybe a wee bit short of miraculous.

But you have to agree, that guy is getting some heavy shut eye. Lucky. SkyMall even promises that it is easy to deflate, but fails to mention how long it takes and loud is it to inflate?? Like seriously, what would you do if the yahoo next to you sat down and started puffing on this baby??

Honestly, has anyone tried one of these or knew anyone who has??? I am curious. Might have to be something that I pick up for the flight to Finland....with a review of course :)

OK, the BAD.
Like real bad.

I don't even know where to start with this one.

The Sling Couture Fashion Face Mask - $9.95

"Great for protection against Swine Flu, the Sling Couture Face Masks offers the same protection as traditional masks do, but without the hospital look."

Yeah, that is exactly what I want, to draw more attention to looking like a dweeb. Yes, I get it, these things are supposed to protect you from all kinds of germs. But really, if you are shopping for virus protection in SkyMall magazine, it is already too late. The germ infested pages have already gotten you.

Banana Hammock much?!

Not only do they protect against the swine flu virus (little late on that one, folks) but they have sequins, glittery embroidery and even animal prints. Oh, and they come in men's and women's colors. What every guy wants, right?!

This next one is more for the ridiculous picture than anything. Poor guy, if I were his friend, I would make fun of him til the end of time for this photo shoot.

It's the Head Spa Massager, enter a state of euphoria - $49.95

"It's like thousands of tiny fingers simultaneously massaging your scalp."

Wow, that isn't creepy at all. I don't think I would ever try to sell something by making it sound like you were getting attacked by a butt load of midgets.

He looks like he is out of the movie Tron or something. Now, imagine bringing the SkyRest blow up pillow and this baby on a plane. The US Marshal might just have to escort you off.

Wow.

Bigfoot, the Bashful Yeti Tree Sculpture - $69.95

Awwww, who doesn't like to think of mythical creatures all sweet, cuddly and shy like this?!

If this isn't the worst thing I could find, you better believe the last one is going to blow your mind.

SkyMall says "Painstakingly hand-painted to make passers-by look twice, our believe-it-or-not sculpt is available only at Design Toscano!"

So basically, what you are telling me, is that this junk sculpture, that would probably have the neighborhood association on your butt to take down, was a not a labor of love, but rather something that caused trouble and meticulous effort?! Yeah, way to take advantage of those sweatshop workers.

And, for the absolute worst of the worst. The 'holy crap, who would pay for that'.


Well.

You are just going to have to wait for the next post. This one deserves one all it's own. 

Unreal.

What is your favorite SkyMall product?? Has anyone ever bought anything from the magazine?

You fools.